Dirty Deeds Done Dirty Cheap
by SlumberingMarauder
Summary: A new case sends the Winchester boys to California, but will they both make it there and finish the case in one piece after a practical joke war has been declared? Rated T just to be safe... No slash,Wincest...
1. And so it Begins

_Hey Guys! I decided I wanted to try writing a __**Supernatural** __fan fiction because it is my absolute favorite show ever. I love Dean…(and Sam…) and wanted to try this out. For people reading __**Star-Crossed Lives**__, Don't worry: I'm still working on it. Sit back, relax, read and review please!!! _

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Supernatural**_** (unfortunately) or any of its characters. If you don't recognize a character, then it's of my own creation.**

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**Chapter 1**

**_Kettleman City, California_**

"Did you hear that?" Tom looked back at Amy, wondering if he had only imagined it.

"Yeah…Please Tom, let's get out of here."

"Hold on a sec…" He crouched, looking closer to the darken area. He began to push a bush out of the way when the sound of horse hoofs flooded his ears. He paused, not completely registering the addition of the sound. He was just about to say something when he heard maniacal laughter coming from the distance.

He turned, grabbed Amy's hand, and began running back to the car. The sound of guns being shot into the air echoed off the mountains and rang throughout the area. They ran faster, looking everywhere for the culprit.

"TOM!!!!" Amy screamed as Tom's hand was ripped out from her own. She whipped around, only to see that nothing was there. "TOM!!!" She heard the maniacal laugh again, and began to run faster than ever. She pulled out her cell phone, just to see that it was not working. She turned her head to see if she was being followed, only to trip over a tree root.

She turned over on her back and found herself in front of it.

"God help me." It moved closer, raising its arm in the air.

"Ahora, Muchachos!!!" Amy looked into its face, a look of horror flashing before her.

"NO…!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

_**A diner in Somewhere, USA**_

"God, I could marry these fries." Dean slowly lowered the fry into his mouth, allowing the ketchup to drip off of it and into his mouth.

"Can you please act a bit more civilized? Or at least older than an eight-year-old?" Sam looked at Dean in disgust.

"Sorry Sammy, no can do. I'm all kid." Dean wiped his mouth and gave Sam a wide grin before returning to the feast in front of him.

"Why me?" Sam muttered under his breath, earning him a glare from Dean. Sam looked up and gave his brother an innocent look before returning to the computer screen.

"Look, I think I've found something in Kettleman City, California." Sam turned the laptop towards Dean and continued speaking. "There were two deaths there a week ago. A couple passing through, headed back home to San Francisco from LA. Apparently they disappeared, and only their car was found. A Jaguar." Dean raised his eyebrows and let out a low whistle.

"They were rich. The odd thing is, nothing was stolen. The authorities thought it might have been a ransom. That is, until the bodies were found the next day." At this, Sam paused.

"Well, are you going to tell me or is this going to be twenty questions?" Dean looked at Sam for a moment before returning his gaze back to the screen to continue with the article. Dean looked back up a minute later.

"Well, that's definitely a new level of disgusting, even for us."

"You're telling me. Their hands, heads, and organs were removed before being left to hang in a tree. There was no evidence left behind. The town is pretty quiet, both criminally and demonically."

"Well, I'm sure this has destroyed their crime rate for the next 10 years." Dean jammed another fry into his mouth, just as the waitress came up to give them their check.

"Will that be all for you, folks?"

"Yes, thank you." Sam began to take the money out of his wallet as Dean glanced at the waitress's nametag.

"That's a pretty name you've got there, Amanda." Dean gave the waitress a wink as Sam rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, it is. And what's yours? 'Sloppy'?" Sam burst out laughing as he handed over the money and the waitress walked away.

"Seems like some women just don't know class when they see it." Dean said, trying to save face.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that would work better if you didn't have ketchup on your chin…" Dean brought his hand to his face, finding ketchup on his fingers when he pulled it away.

"Crap. You could have said something, Dude!"

"No. This was way better." Sam stood and headed out of the diner before Dean could say something else. Dean followed behind him, mumbling all the way out to the car.

Too low for Sam to hear, Dean whispered, "Well, let's just see who'll have the last laugh."

A few minutes later, the Impala was tearing up the highway towards California.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"So, where are we going to stop?" Dean had been driving for hours and it was already pitch-black outside.

"There's supposed to be a Super 8 Motel somewhere around here. I have the address." Sam rubbed his eyes, having just woken up from a long sleep, and focused them outside until he saw the motel they were looking for. "There it is." Dean pulling into the parking lot and the boys headed into the lobby.

"Hello. How may I help…?" The woman behind the counter faltered as she saw Sam enter the door behind Dean. "Is this some kind of joke?" Sam turned his confused face towards Dean, who kept a calm demeanor the entire time.

"I'm sorry miss, I don't think we know what you mean." The woman just gave Sam a weird look before speaking.

"Ummm…you're glowing. Like in the dark." Sam paused as he registered this.

"What?" The woman pointed towards the bathroom and Sam ran over. Dean leaned against the front desk, waiting for the angry yell from Sam.

"DEAN!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?" Sam came charging out of the bathroom, parts of his body glowing a neon florescent color. Dean relished the moment before answering.

"It's called 'cyalume.' That stuff used in glow sticks. I must say, you are absolutely glowing this evening." Dean's face lit up with pure joy from the look on Sam's face.

"What the hell, Man?!?! What was that for?"

"Well Sammy, payback's a bitch. This is for the diner stint you pulled on me earlier."

"Dean, that was nothing compared to this!"

"Well, all's fair in love and war, and this is officially war." Sam paused, breathing heavily through his nostrils.

"You know what, fine. It's war. Jerk."

"Bitch," Was Dean's automatic response. They both turned back towards the woman behind the counter, who still seemed to be deciding if this was all for real.

"So, ummm…do you need a room for the night?"

"Yes, please. One room, two beds." Sam grew more and more embarrassed as he stood out in public as a walking glow stick. Dean kept on looking at him, soaking up the beauty of his prank.

"Here you go. Room 105. Enjoy your stay." The woman continued to look at the two of them as if they were crazy, but Sam dashed out of there as soon as possible. Dean followed slowly behind, getting some food from the near-by vending machine.

Dean reached the room and opened the door, just to find Sam heading for the bathroom.

"Hey, why'd you leave so fast? I didn't have my walking light to guide me to the room." Sam only rolled his eyes and entered the bathroom to take a _very _long shower.

Dean pulled out Sam's laptop and settled himself down on a bed to begin research on the latest case. After half an hour, he settled with the fact that he sucked at research and decided to get ready for bed. Sam was still in the shower, but Dean wasn't too worried. Sammy could never come up with anything too terrible…

Dean awoke to an odd sensation. The first thing he noticed was that he felt warm. Oddly warm. Like he was swimming in a warm pool. Only, he was supposed to be in bed…right? He then registered the fact that his left hand was place in water…warm water…the same type of feeling he seemed to have all over the rest of his body…_what the hell is going on? _Dean tried to clear his head. But then he noticed the abnormally loud laughing entering his left ear.

"Ssaammm…?" Dean mumbled, trying to wake up. He shifted in the bed when he first really felt it. The bed was wet. With a warm liquid. He had wet the bed.

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" Dean jumped out off the bed, pulling his left hand out of the bowl of warm water and dashing to the bathroom, listening to Sam howl with laughter the entire time. Ten minutes later, Dean walked out of the bathroom with a murderous look on his face.

"You. Are. A. Sick. Bastard." Dean was absolutely mortified. He had wet the bed. Only people under the age of 6 did that.

"Well man, like you said. You're all kid." Sam grinned with triumph, knowing that he had struck back well. "To be honest, I didn't even think that would really work. And then I decided that it wouldn't hurt to try. It came out better than I thought it would."

"I'm going to go so 'Home Alone' extreme version on your ass, you're not going to know what hit you." Dean grabbed his bag and went back into the bathroom, locking himself in there for protection.

**This was not over. It had just begun. **

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_There you have it: The first installment of this story. Please give me some feedback so I know if I should continue on with this story and the way it's going. The only thing I didn't like too much was the cussing, because I hate cussing in fan fiction, but it was the only way to keep Dean in character, so I sacrificed my own personal thoughts on the matter for the greater good of the story (longest sentence ever…)._

**_PLEASE COMMENT: The "submit comment" button is looking pretty lonely over there… _**


	2. Laughter Makes the World Go Round

_Hey guys!!! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, but I've been really busy lately focusing on college applications and just my senior year in general. I decided to update when I went on to FF and saw that it had been over A MONTH!!! __**GAG. **__I don't even want to think how long it's been since I've updated my OTHER story…sigh…oh well, consider this a thanksgiving thanks, since my little break is the reason this is being written…_

_**DISCLAIMER: The usual. I own nothing of SN but seasons 1 and 2, and that's legal…**_

_**tona234angel:** awww, you were my first review! Glad you love it, hope this chapter doesn't disappoint._

_**julsus:** glad you love the humor, and I tried to incorporate more of the case into this chapter while still keeping it funny. Hope it satisfies!_

_**ghostbehindyou**: Those were my thoughts as well. Dean just wouldn't be the same if he didn't shake things up a bit with the language:P  
_

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**Chapter 2**

Dean woke up the next morning with a confused look on his face. He looked around, not registering where he actually was. He turned his head only to grab it when his neck kinked up. He was lying in the bathtub, a blanket covering his torso while his legs dangled over the edge.

What happened to him last night returned in bits and pieces, and with every second his face turned darker and darker with rage. _That little bitch is not going to know what hit him. _Dean gave an evil grin and rose out of the tub, only to fall right back down on his butt when his legs gave out.

He stretched and got out of the tub a second time, cursing the day that a certain Samuel Winchester was ever born. He began getting dressed, refusing to make an appearance until he was begged…

"Come on, Dean. I need to get in there! Stop being a jerk." Sam needed to use the restroom, but he had not wanted to be the first to crack. His bladder, however, had a mind of its own. "I really do need to get in there."

"Sorry, Sammy. No can do. I'm busy trying to make your bladder explode, and allowing you to relieve yourself would destroy my life-long mission before I leave this world in peace." Dean grinned while brushing his teeth, hearing the desperation rising in Sam's voice.

"Whatever man, I'll be back." Sam slammed the motel door behind him and walked over to the front office. He rang the bell and the lady from the previous night came over.

"How can I help you? Do you need something?"

"Yeah, actually. Can I use your restroom? My brother suffers from dysfunctional bowel syndrome, and some days it's just not pretty."

"Oh, you poor thing. And your brother too. You can use my bathroom any time you want. It's the last door down the hall to your left." Sam nodded his thanks and turned away, grinning as he walked to the restroom. 5 minutes later, he heard the distinct yell of his name, and walked out to face his brother.

"SAM!" Dean was in front of the desk, a mortified expression on his beet-red face. The Hotel owner looked at him with understanding.

"I was just offering your brother here some Preparation H. My husband uses it; it has changed his life for the better. It must be very uncomfortable for him." She turned back to Dean, who refused to look her in the face. "I'll be right back with it." She turned away and went through a door.

"Dude, why the hell did she just offer me some of that crap?"

Sam pondered a moment before answering, "Maybe because you don't make enough of it?" The look on Dean's face made Sam break out into a wide grin. Dean looked like he wanted to say something back, but knowing that the woman would be returning very soon, he settled with some very choice words, a hard shove past Sam and a slam of the door behind him.

The woman returned with the ointment and looked around for Dean. Seeing that he was not there she turned to Sam.

"Did he change his mind? It really works wonders."

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

Sam was at the coffee shop waiting for Dean to come back with their drinks. He had done research on their next gig, and it looked like they were going to have a hell of a time with it.

Dean came up behind him and handed the coffee over. He sat down, giving Sam an annoyed look, still peeved about earlier.

"Tell me what you got."

"Well, it seems that there is some history behind the area where the murders took place. The area is called Tulare Lake. It used to be running lake, but over the years it dried out. The land was bought up a week ago by Waste Management Inc., where they plan on opening a hazardous waste disposal facility.

"Now, in 1830, a man by the name of Joaquin Murrieta was born…"

"Wait, like Zorro's brother from _The Mask of Zorro? _I love that movie!"

"Yeah Dean. We're dealing with Zorro's brother. Now if we can get back to reality? Anyway, Murrieta's family was killed in 1851 by some gold miners, and after that he became a loose cannon, robbing from the rich. He became known as 'The Bandit of the Goldfields,' and a price was placed on his head. In 1853, he was killed by a Captain Harry Love while camping out in Tulare Lake. His head was cut off and displayed in the Golden Nugget Saloon in San Francisco until it was lost in the earthquake of 1906."

"Great. So the head is A-WOL? That's just freakin awesome."

"Yeah, I know. I think out best bet is to try and find out more about the history of the Saloon and if anything was kept in storage."

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's hit it."

**oooooooooooooooooo**

"Well, that was a complete bust." It was late into the night when Sam and Dean returned to the motel, and none the wiser about the hunt or the origin of Murrieta's head. Dean was irritated and cranky, and even Sam knew not to mess with him right now.

"Well, we can try checking out the underground market, see if maybe it's been circulating that way."

"Yeah, maybe." Dean sighed, rubbing his temples to try and avoid the oncoming headache.

"Hey man, are you all right? You don't look so well."

"Is that your scientific hypothesis, college boy? Yeah Einstein, I feel like climbing Mount Everest right now. Go grab me my pick and snow shoes." Sam ignored the comment and came up to Dean, trying to check out his status.

"Dude, could you be any more 'Leave it to Beaver' mom right now? Get away. I just need some sleep."

"Whatever." Sam sighed and backed away, not up to fighting with Dean right now. He went to the restroom and got ready for bed. When he got out of the restroom, he saw that Dean had already knocked out for the night, so he turned off all the lights and settled in for the night as well…

**_Later that night…_**

Sam felt something standing over him, making his nose itch. He shifted in the bed, scratching his nose but not being able to shake the feeling.

He paused, his eyes closed, trying to wake up. His eyes fluttered open, only to see a clown with a dagger standing over his head, a maniacal smile plastered on its face. Sam froze, a scream building inside his throat. The clown began to thrust the knife down onto Sam, which finally allowed Sam's scream to break free before the blackness consumed him…

Sam woke up to Dean's voice.

"You have got to be the biggest wimp I have ever met." Sam looked at his surroundings, realizing that he was on the floor by his bed. Dean was kneeling beside him, dagger and clown mask beside his foot, discarded and forgotten. Sam looked disbelievingly at Dean.

"That was you?"

"No Sammy. It really WAS _THE _killer clown himself. He decided your time was up, and asked me to help. It was really fun. Afterwards, I met the tooth fairy!" Dean said this sarcastically, but at the same time, he was removing his hand from Sam's shoulder, where he had placed it in his haste to see if his brother really was all right. Now that he saw Sammy was not going to die of a heart attack, he was going to relish in the success of his prank.

"Man, you should have seen the look on your face. It was like meeting Ronald McDonald all over again. But this time, you were 23, not 3. I mean, come on man, don't embarrass the Winchester name. It's all you got, cuz you most certainly didn't get the looks."

"Get lost. That was a mean ass thing to do. And might I remind you, you have a phobia of rats."

"Hey, Willard can happen."

"Yeah well, IT _has_ happened."

Sam jerked his body away from Dean's on the floor and stood up, fuming at him. But even worse than that, he was angry with himself for falling for such an easy prank. _I really must be a wimp. _Sam took the clown mask, went outside to the back alley, and set it on fire. "Better to be safe than sorry."

When he returned, Dean was sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Were you even sick?"

"Not really. Just wanted to make you turn in early. I'm a freakin genius."

"Yeah Dean, let's call up Mensa now."

"Who?"

"Exactly."

"awww, you're just mad that I got you back good, Sammy. Ready to throw in the towel? I mean, if you can't play with the big dogs, get off the court." Dean grinned at his little metaphor, thinking it would make an awesome shirt…

"Not even over my dead body."

"Dramatic much?" Sam ignored Dean and got back in bed. _We'll see._ Sammy went to bed dreaming up ideas on just how to repay Dean for Sam's little midnight surprise…

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_Well, there you have it, chapter 2. Sorry it took so long, and I'll try not to let it go that long again. __**Please review**__ and let me know what you think. __**And if you guys have any ideas for pranks, let me know**__ and maybe I'll use them in the future!!!! Thanks you guys!_


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